Costello Wants to buy a Computer from Abbott:

ABBOT: Super Duper computer store.  Can I help you? 

COSTELLO: Thanks.  I'm setting up an office in my den, and I'm thinking about buying a computer. 


COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou. 

ABBOTT: Your computer? 

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer!  I want to buy one!


COSTELLO: I told you, my names Lou!

ABBOT: What about Windows? 

COSTELLO: Why?  Will it get stuffy in here? 

ABBOT: Do you want a computer with Windows? 

COSTELLO: I don't know.  What will I see when I look in the windows? 

ABBOT: Wallpaper. 

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows.  I need a computer and software. 

ABBOT: Software for Windows? 

COSTELLO: No.  On the computer!  I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business.  What have you got? 

ABBOT: Office. 

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office.  Can you recommend anything? 

ABBOT: I just did. 

COSTELLO: You just did what? 

ABBOT: Recommend something. 

COSTELLO: You recommended something? 

ABBOT: Yes. 

COSTELLO: For my office? 

ABBOT: Yes. 

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office? 

ABBOT: Office. 

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office! 

ABBOT: I recommend Office with Windows. 

COSTELLO: I already have an office and it has windows!

OK, lets just say, I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal.  What do I need? 

ABBOT: Word. 

COSTELLO: What word? 

ABBOT: Word in Office. 

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office. 

ABBOT: The Word in Office for Windows. 

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows? 

ABBOT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W." 

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "W" if you don't start with some straight answers!

OK, forget that.  Can I watch movies on the Internet? 

ABBOT: Yes, you want Real One. 

COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon.  What I watch is none of your business.  Just tell me what I need! 

ABBOT: Real One. 

COSTELLO: If its a long movie I also want to see reel 2, 3 and 4.  Can I watch them? 

ABBOT: Of course. 

COSTELLO: Great, with what? 

ABBOT: Real One. 

COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie.  What do I do? 

ABBOT: You click the blue "1." 

COSTELLO: I click the blue one what? 

ABBOT: The blue "1." 

COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue "W?"

ABBOT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word. 

COSTELLO: What word? 

ABBOT: The Word in Office for Windows. 

COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows!"

ABBOT: No, just one.  But its the most popular Word in the world. 


ABBOT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left.  It Pretty much wiped out all the other Words. 

COSTELLO: And that word is Real One? 

ABBOT: Real One has nothing to do with Word.  Real One isn't even part of Office. 

COSTELLO: Stop!  Don't start that again.  What about financial bookkeeping you have anything I can track my money with? 

ABBOT: Money. 

COSTELLO: That's right.  What do you have? 

ABBOT: Money. 

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money? 

ABBOT: It comes bundled with your computer. 

COSTELLO: What's bundled to my computer? 

ABBOT: Money. 

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer? 

ABBOT: Yes.  No extra charge. 

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer?  How much? 

ABBOT: One copy. 

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money? 

ABBOT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money. 

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money? 

ABBOT: Why not?  THEY OWN IT! 


COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off? 

ABBOT: Click on "START". . . . . . . . . .

"Who's On First"